Consider this:  Proofreading is more than just looking for typos.  Sometimes it is the juxtaposition of ideas that makes something unintentionally funny…

I received these in my e-mail in-box.  There is no telling how far around the net they have been, but if you have not seen them, they are worth a look.

Love those Church Ladies.. They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins!  Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services—- These are guaranteed to make you LAUGH, OUT LOUD!  

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight:  “Searching for Jesus.”

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow 

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday:  “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

 (NOTE:  “Poofreading” is from an old cartoon in the New Yorker:  A ragged man, back to the wall, holding out a tin cup and a sign which says “former poofreader”)

How many plots are there, really?  Ask a hundred writers and you may get a hundred answers, but you will find a consistent note in the answers: that the number of plots in this universe is limited and every storyteller since the beginning of history has merely tweaked the same plots over and over.

This question came up recently in a discussion.  One famous author, who shall remain nameless, was definitive in his answer.  He said:  “There are many themes. Hundreds to thousands. But there are only four basic plots. Man against man, man against nature, man against God, and man against himself.”

A second, nameless author came right back.  She said:  “As for basic plots, there are really only three and they were painted on their authors’ cave walls long ago: man against man. man against god [which includes ‘nature’], man against himself.”

Then someone (I’m sorry.  It may have been me) pointed out that Aristotle saw only two plots in the universe:  Internal (character oriented) plots and external (action or event oriented) plots.  Frankly, I like Aristotle better, because it avoids the word “against.”  At the same time, though, I think we can expand on these ideas a little.  Maybe we should call them “plot-themes” though, to avoid the ire of certain authors who shall remain nameless…

What is a plot?

When I began this series of posts, I compared a story to a house.  The setting was the house itself in a settled location and also the props: the furniture and all the little knick-knacks that turn a house into a home.  The characters are, naturally, the people and often the animals who live there and interact: from whence comes the story.  Plot, I said, was like the air.  It fills every room and is the medium through which all action takes place and through which all words must be spoken (since sound does not travel in a vacuum).  Without air, all die; and it has a peculiar virtue in that air is invisible.  So a plot should be invisible, at least until needed.

Plot is needed in two ways:  First, it is needed by the storyteller to keep them on track—to help them tell the story they intend to tell.  Second, it is needed by the storyteller to explain the story when the inevitable question arises:  “What is your story about?”

Cinderella:

Sticking with the story we have butchered in the course of these posts, how would you describe the story of Cinderella?  If you are like my sixteen-year-old son, you will probably start at the beginning and tell the whole thing, taking longer than it would take to watch the Disney movie.  After the third sentence, though, the movie producer would be snoring and probably have you bodily ejected from the building.  I’ve read too many query letters like that.  So that won’t do.

How about setting?  It’s a medieval kind of story full of castles and clocks chiming twelve and shoes…  That really doesn’t tell us anything.  It might spark some interest in a medieval buff or someone with a clock fetish or Imelda Marcos, but even those people will ask for more information.

So maybe character?  It is about a good girl and a wicked step-mother and step-sisters, and a charming prince… Oh, and there’s a fairy in it. Can’t forget the fairy, to which the movie producer is likely to say, “So?”  Again, character alone doesn’t really say anything.  What is the story about?  You want to include character and maybe setting in a query letter for your novel, but the letter needs to be focused on something else.  Plot is what the story is about.  I can describe Cinderella with one word:

Underdog. 

Not even venturing into the written word, mister movie producer, how many successful movies have been built around the underdog theme?  The Bad News Bears, the Mighty Ducks, Rocky…  How about Home Alone, You’ve Got Mail, It’s a Wonderful Life, or maybe Elf???

Not every one of these movies (and the larger list of movies, books, stories and plays that you can probably build) are purely underdog stories, but the gist of the story is there.  In Cinderella’s case, a good little girl is crushed under her stepmother’s thumb, but by her loving nature, and with a little magical help, she is able to overcome her adverse condition and leap-frog over the head of her oppressor into the arms of happiness…  Do you think?

I was thinking the other day that writing is like poker.  Style is important (the quality of the writing), and we strive for it to be an ace in the hand… but that is not what this series of posts is about.  Setting, Character and Plot are the other three aces a writer needs to have that ultimate winning hand.  True, four twos can be a powerful hand, so the analogy breaks down at that point, but in so far as possible, we strive for four aces.

The fifth card, the joker, is a post I may attack at a later date.  For the present, I want to focus on these three:  setting, character and plot; and this time the topic is character.

Action:

If we understand that character is a matter of internal dynamics, we understand that the insides of a character may be full of doubt and conflict.  Most of us are.  Plenty of writers warn against cardboard characters.  Cardboard characters supposedly lack depth because they are either too good or too evil without mitigating traits (internal doubt and conflict).  That certainly can be true and it is worth being careful to be sure your characters are not cardboard.  Even so, sometimes (some might say too often) cardboard characters do happen, but just to go against the grain, let me also say this:  Sometimes, a character may very well be single minded, without any doubt or conflict, like Gollum in The Lord of the Rings who had a only one motivation:  for his “precious.”  Sauron, also, had no good (conflict) in him, but then he did not exactly play an active role in the story…

Consider this note from real life:  Despite our best laid plans (which oft gang agley, like, for example, our New Year’s resolutions) it is important to understand that our actions are determined by our motivations (what we truly feel, believe and think important) and our motivations are determined by who we really are on the inside.  It is no different in stories.  Actions will always be determined (apart from some mind control) by what a person believes, feels about things and knows to be true.  It will be determined by what they are capable of doing on the inside, not what the writer or reader wants to happen on the outside.

When your character walks into the room and finds the monster, what will they do?  Will they run back the way they came, cower in the corner in the hope that they will not be seen, draw their sword?  Will they freeze in panic, fear or indecision, or will they have the presence of mind to try and find a way out? 

People will respond differently to the same situation.  They will even see it differently, such as the six different versions of what happened when the two cars met head-on.  The reason for those differences is on the inside of those people.  In the same way, characters in a story will not act, respond, or process their experiences in the same way, nor should they.

Dialogue

Likewise, we should understand that dialogue is a result of those same internal dynamics.  People sometimes wonder and ask how to make their dialogue “realistic.”  Suggestions range from eavesdropping to examining your own conversations to seeing how other writers do dialogue.  None of these suggestions are bad (other than possibly the eavesdropping one), but I would suggest instead taking a look at the characters themselves.

Dialogue, like action, comes from the inside-out.  Who we are inside will determine what we notice, what we are likely to say about events and how we are likely to say it:  gruff, kind, shy, loud, etc.  It will also determine whether or not we keep our mouth shut.  We all use the same words, in case you never noticed, but as with action, our dialogue will vary based on what we feel, believe about things, what is important to us, and what we know to be true…even when we are mistaken.

There is no substitute for a writer knowing their characters in the depths of their…character.  In fact, I believe the better we know our creations, and the more we let their internal being show itself on the outside,  the more “realistic” both their actions and dialogue will be.

Doctor Martin Luther King Jr. was right.  Character is what matters.  Before I begin discussing the issue, though, there is something important to say:

A Character is NOT a story.

Some believe that character is “all that matters” or “the most important thing.”  Some believe that with a brilliant, magnificent character, the story will practically write itself.  That may be the way you write best, but let’s not carry this too far.  The character must start somewhere and end up somewhere (setting).  AND,  something must happen for there to be a story (plot).  The character must experience something, and experience it in relationship with other characters lest you end up with nothing but one giant soliloquy. 

Characters (and setting in the background) are what a reader “sees” in a story, to be sure.  But from the moment the story trigger is pulled and the main character’s motivation is set, every story might be honestly described as:  Characters in Experience (not characters in a vacuum).  Characters experiencing something in relationship and how they respond to their experiences is the plot.  You can’t have a story without a plot.  But this post is about characters…

Character

Doctor King had it right when he said people should not be judged by the color of their skin (hair, eyes, height, weight, beauty or lack) but by the content of their character.  That is absolutely true of stories.  Appearance matters little.  Character matters much, hence the name “character.”  To that end, allow me to make two points:

First, character, by which I mean the kind of person a writer portrays, matters absolutely in terms of a reader’s like or dislike and subsequent expectations with regards to the story. 

Even in a post-modern world where morals and values are deemed to be relative, people are instinctively drawn to these:  Love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentle-kindness, faithfulness, humility and self-control…  By contrast, hate, anger, murder, torture, sadism, masochism, treason, betrayal, flaming ego and hedonism are not endearing qualities. 

Any story worth reading will show these traits (pro and con) in action (in relationship with other characters) and in the deeds and thoughts of the main character.  If the story is an external one, it will be more in deeds.  If it is an internal story it will be more in thoughts, but the traits will be the same.

It is one thing to describe Cinderella as a good girl, but it strikes home when she responds to her insensitive stepsisters with kindness and positive words.  When she responds to her stepmother’s demands with faithfulness and hard work (and no complaints) we begin to really see her goodness and begin to see the unfairness of her position.  At that point, we begin to root for her.  That we will be happy at the end is already a foregone conclusion, but that brings me to my second point about character:

Second, characters are understood by readers by what they show, not by what they say.  This is NOT a post about “show, don’t tell.”  That overused expression is not exactly true, anyway.

The Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz (wise but terrible and mysterious) is told about through most of the book/movie.  Dorothy and company (and the readers/viewers) are set to believe the terrifying show when it happens.  Only Toto, the dog, is not fooled.  When the dog pulls back the curtain, though, and they actually get to meet the man, he “shows” himself to be a nice, kindly old man and very different from his P. R. 

People believe what they see, and the people they meet, not just what they are told.  Set your friend up on a blind date and tell them the date “is a nice person.”  See what reaction you get.

Likewise, in Cinderella, the Stepmother is called “wicked,” a telling term.  She also shows that wickedness in her treatment of Cinderella and in piling on the work, but there is nothing wrong with the description, “wicked.”  The stepsisters are selfish, lazy and insensitive.  In some shortened versions of the story, they are simply named that way.  In most, though, they are also shown lazing around on the couches, eating candy and making snide and cruel remarks while Cinderella cleans out the fireplace.  OK.  To some extent, show, don’t tell matters, but it isn’t an absolute.  Even so, it is important to understand that characters are known by what they do (show) not by what is told about them or even by what they say.

Consider politicians.  The words are great… but then they get into office… (action and dialogue in the next post).  Characters must be seen to be believed…

Apart from location, there is another important aspect to setting that must be considered.  I call it props (comes from too much work on stage), but in the analogy of the house, we should think of it as the furniture and all of the things and knick-knacks that make a house into a home.  This does not mean that everything needs to be mentioned.  Too much period detail can put a reader to sleep.  Instead, like the location of the story, the props must also advance the story and move it forward, and if it does not, why bring it up?

Continuing with the story of Cinderella, we can see immediately that there are several vital props

First:  There is her mother’s old dress which the Stepmother finds and shreds. 

Now, I was thinking in the Too Big to Fail storyline (from the last post), and instead of a Christmas party, it could be some excuse for a masquerade party.  The Boss might let slip to the Stepmom that he is proud of his son’s MBA, but he really wishes the boy would find a nice girl and settle down.  The stepmom promptly gets her daughters dressed and ready.  Cinderella might also find a party costume in one of her mother’s old trunks, but Stepmom can find out and shred the thing.  Same business, but something has to happen for the reversal—for the story to work

Second:  There must be some way to tell the time.  In an ancient setting, the rising or setting of the moon might work, but otherwise the story must be set far enough in the direction of the present for there to be clocks to chime.  Did you think of that?

Third:  The slippers.  Can’t have Cinderella without slippers.  At least it must be something that comes in pairs.  I suppose gloves might work, but the Prince (or boss’ son) and Cinderella should have the chance to touch, hand to hand.  Anyway, a pair of something is vital for the final reversal, where the Stepmother breaks the slipper rather than let Cinderella try it on.  (aha!  Cinderella has the other one). 

When looking at props, even from scene to scene, you need to consider carefully what to include and what not to include.  Perhaps the most important point to remember is that for most of the time, the world must be filtered through the senses of your character. Like us, your character will notice/perceive the world based on who they are (what they enjoy) and what has meaning for them in their lives and the situation in which they find themselves. For example:

When the time traveler is ushered into the room to await her host, what will she notice? The Victorian loveseat, the drapes, the crossed swords over the fireplace, the large portrait of her host’s dead wife or the grandfather clock that chimes 4 o’clock, tea time? The only wrong answer is probably none of the above.

One might think the clock is a given for a time traveler, but she might make furniture as a hobby (or her husband might) and so the loveseat might be scrutinized and seen as well made with an expensive fabric. Then the drapes might be an Indian fabric, indicating that her Victorian host served time in India. Or if the host is a suspected vampire, she might notice that the drapes are drawn tight against any possible sunlight. If she is in a dangerous situation, her eye will be drawn to the swords (and any other potential weapons in the room), and then maybe the portrait looks like her, or someone she knew or met (time traveler) or like her Aunt Grace, or perhaps she might look at it to try and get some insight into this former Indian military officer who might be a vampire and is certainly a threat…

With all of that she might hardly notice the clock, time traveler though she is.

You can see that props in the overall story and from scene to scene must be chosen with care.  A typical home is full of junk, especially if you are like me and keep things.  Only make sure you don’t fill your story with junk.  Every piece should relate to the story you are telling.  Every piece should relate to the characters, too; but to get a handle on “character in setting”, as you might call it, we will need to look a character formation… next time.