“Now, if youse will all be good, Rapper Bob will make with the music.” Owen the gangster spoke into the microphone while half the party left for the cafeteria. “And I don’t want any trouble out of any of youse guys. Got it? So maybe Celeste will sing something later.” The listening crowd cheered at the idea of having a real rock star sing at their party.
“Oh Owen, you’re so commanding.” Terry of the long nails and too short skirt and dumb blond attitude spoke as the music started, and she sat in Owen’s lap as he sat and nodded his head like she was speaking his tune.
“You’re a good moll.” He said. “Every gangster needs a moll.”
“And you’re my pumpkin wumpkin.” Terry said, tweaking Owen’s nose.
“And I think I’m gonna throw up.” Celeste said, looking at Bob, but Bob had his headphones on against the music and was not paying attention, and Kyle, dressed like a pimp, was not to be found. Celeste wondered for a minute what that sex fiend might be up to, but she soon shrugged it off and got into the music.
Pimp Kyle slid up to his intended tricks. Once, they had been seventh grade wannabes, Anna, Lisa and Elizabeth. Now, they found themselves as Cleopatra, Babette, the French maid, and a pregnant nun. “Ladies.” That was all Kyle had to say. The look in his eyes said the rest. The women scattered and ran for their lives, Cleopatra trying not to trip over or fall out of her long white dress, Babette shrieking and waving her feather duster like a weapon as she struggled to run in her extra high heels, and Elizabeth praying to Mary, the Mother of God.
“And I’m not even Catholic!” Elizabeth confessed.
Kyle shrugged, tilted his hat forward, spun his cane once and swaggered off in their general direction.
“Thank goodness this couch was here.” Raggedy Ann said as she fought to pull herself up.
“What?” The voice came from above.
“I said.” Raggedy Ann started to repeat herself, but then she got a look at the speaker. It was Barbie, small and plastic, but at least the arms and legs were bendable. “I said you try talking with your mouth sewn shut!”
“Me?” Barbie responded in a very un-Barbie like fashion. “I’m made of plastic!”
“At least you can stand.” Raggedy Ann said as she fell on the couch cushion face down. It was going to take some effort to turn face up and she only hoped she did not slide down to the floor again.
“Not hardly.” Barbie said. “Look.” Her arms and legs went up and down, but she could not bend at the elbows or knees. Of course, Raggedy Ann could not look, being face down, and she said so. Barbie’s response was even sharper. It appeared to be the beginning of a good brawl, when the couch interrupted them.
“Quiet!” The couch commanded. “I don’t mind you sitting on me, but I don’t need to hear about your troubles. I was going to come as a Hell’s Angels, but no! At the last minute I decided to be a couch potato.”
“Oh, I see.” The girls both spoke together as they noticed the potato with a face attached to the top of the couch.
“Oh, no! Please no!” Barbie shouted suddenly.
“What?” The others wondered and then they saw Super Model Kylie approaching. The woman was nearly six feet tall and could not have weighed a hundred pounds.
“There you are.” Kylie said, shaking out her luxurious hair as if posing for a camera. “Do you like my shoes? They are Armani, a rich burgundy I matched with my Aigner bag and my luscious lips.” She posed with a kiss puckered on her lips.
“This will go on without end.” Barbie shuddered.
“Please, no!” Raggedy Ann begged as Kylie sat between the dolls and picked them up as if they were real dolls while explaining all about her outfit and the designers that made each piece.
“Ooof!” was what the couch said, a hundred pounds or not.
Life was quiet in room 204. Five horrors, all boys, were scribbling on the blackboards and rummaging through the teacher’s desk while the devil girl and the skeleton girl sat with the axe-headed zombie and the dead lawyer and lamented their fate. The two ghosts had already slipped off to the closet.
“They’ve forgotten us.” The skeleton insisted.
“They wouldn’t.” The lawyer responded.
The devil girl sat with her elbows on the desk and her chin resting in her hands. She glanced up. “It’s been over an hour. They sound like they are having fun without us.”
There was a bang from inside the closet. “Kate and Winslow are having fun.” The skeleton said.
“Winslow’s gay.” The devil girl said grumpily.
“Doesn’t sound gay to me.” The lawyer responded with a grin on his face.
“You know what I mean.”
“Hey!” The grim reaper interrupted. “A deck of cards.” Scream and the demon both looked up, and the demon smiled.
“I want you two here on the west door.” Captain Tor scowled at his men.
“Sir!” Opas and Miraz responded in their best military fashion, which was not very good. The Captain’s scowl deepened as he looked out over the playground area.
“Not much chance of the Queen Arosa coming this way, but the Queen Regent wants all the doorways guarded just in case. I assume you two can handle this assignment.”
“Yes sir.” They said. “But sir.” Opas interrupted. “What if we get hungry, or maybe thirsty?”
Captain Tor put his head in his hands. “Just don’t leave the door unguarded. Keep the children in and keep your eyes open for the Queen.”
“Yes sir.” Miraz spoke. “But sir, how will we recognize her, Queen Arosa I mean?”
Captain Tor shook his head. “Tell you what, just arrest any woman trying to get in.”
“Yes sir.” Both men said. “But sir.” Opas started again, but the Captain was not listening. He had already gone back inside.
“So, it’s you and me again.” Miraz said. “Eh! Where are you going?”
“Come on.” Opas encouraged his fellow. “I’m going to sit on one of these swinging things. We can watch the door better and be in the shadows, if you know what I mean.”
“Ohhh.” Understanding dawned slowly on Miraz’ face. “Catch them by surprise-like. Very clever.”
In the Cafeteria, newly dubbed the war room, the people came to agreement. They had to get the hostages free before they attempted anything else.
“My loyal subjects.” Queen Jessica tried to push herself up to the front for the third time, supported by her ladies in waiting, Mindy, Savannah and Shakira.
“Sit down.” People yelled at her.
“Sitty Downy!” Lila yelled from her perch on her grandpa-scarecrow’s shoulder. Several people sighed. The fairy was becoming so cute! Ginger, the Jaguar, decided to roar at the Queen.
“Heads will roll!” Queen Jessica threatened, but she sat at the roar of the cat, not wishing to upset the panther. She looked disgusted with the whole proceeding, but she did not appear as if she would try to take over a fourth time. Her ladies in waiting were very comforting, and the witches, Brittany, Nichole and Molly were also right there with soothing words. Lila briefly wondered what the witches were up to, but such a thought flits across a typical fairy mind without much impact.
“Of course, I’m not clever about such things.” The Scarecrow said, sounding more and more like the real Scarecrow. “But I know a way we can get to the roof of the offices without going down the halls. If some of you made a distraction, there might be a way to get the hostages out.”
Peter the Ninja and Jennifer the elf came in at that point. Everyone turned to hear their report. “The Queen and a dozen soldiers have set up on the auditorium stage. The wizard with his funny black box is with them and the Captain, and her Count Severas guy with his goons are there as well. There are six guards in the offices guarding the prisoners, but since scouting them out, they have also set guards on the outside doors and guards with barriers in the halls east and west of the auditorium.” The Ninja bowed and the elf lifted his face back up, holding him by the chin.
“I never realized your eyes slanted like that, Peter, you know, Asian looking.” The elf said.
“A match for your pointed ears.” The ninja responded. Jennifer could not tell, but she was fairly sure Peter was smiling beneath his mask. She did feel her ears turn ever so slightly red.
“People!” Chris the knight, and Tyler, the NFL quarterback, restored order and silence. The scarecrow then outlined his ideas while Lila got bored and looked around the room. There was a Geisha setting up a tea service in one corner and a gypsy woman going into the fortune telling business in the opposite corner of the room. The geeks had a third corner. George was a real doctor, and Shirley was his nurse. That could be useful if someone got hurt. Ethan was a mad dentist. Missing teeth was something she did not want to think about, but she supposed having him, even as a madman, was better than nothing.
Meanwhile, Chef Brian – a rotund Chef Brian – had taken over the kitchen, and waitress Maria, who suddenly spoke perfect English, what could be discerned through the gum chewing, was taking an order from a Delta stewardess, a farm girl, and Snow White, who was identical to the Disney version except she was still black. Lila shook her head. She was feeling very confused, but then she was distracted by a sight near the kitchen door. Nelson-Max Man and his no longer stuffed dog Maxamillian were sneaking off toward the kitchen and the food. She zoomed over to cut them off, leaving a trail of golden fairy dust in her wake.
“Max and Max! You have to stay and help.” Lila put one fist on her hip and wagged a finger at the two while she hovered in mid-air.
“Uh-oh. Snagged by Tinker Bell.” Max Man said.
“Indeed. Max Man trapped by the glittering damsel.”
“I am not Tinker Bell!” Lila said, not quite sure what a glittering damsel was. She put both of her fists on her hips and stomped her foot in mid air. It actually made a snap! “Would you stay and help for a cheeseburger?” She had an idea.
Max Man and Maxamillian looked at each other, but did not answer. “OK.” Lila said. “How about two cheeseburgers?”
“Two each?” Max Man was bargaining.
“Indeed. Double enticements?”
“Deal.” Lila said, and before thinking too hard about what she was doing, she pulled out her wand and touched the air in front of Maxamillian and the air in front of Max Man. The Cheeseburgers magically appeared.
“Marvelous prestidigitation!” Maxamillian shouted as the two scarfed down the treats. Lila was in too much shock over what she had just done to notice.
“Magic!” Lila shouted. “I just did magic! Really for real!” She shot around the room, shouting at everyone about her great accomplishment. When she finally settled back on the Scarecrow’s shoulder, remembering that she was supposed to be listening to the plan, she had to catch her breath.
“I heard.” Grandpa said before she could shout in his straw ear. “But now, Lila, you have to settle down. You have to help me lead the group through the rafters.”